Hey, Notebook
by Lizilla
Summary: 'Hey. It's been a while, but you know that guy I was telling you about? Yeah, well... I'm kind of in love with him and I'm pretty sure he feels the same about me.' Warnings: Yaoi. that means BoyxBoy. Don't like it. Don't read it. Mentions of rape and abuse.
1. Monday June 06

Monday June 06

Hi there. So um… My name is Roxas Strife. My therapist told me I should try writing. He said it would help with my "problems". I don't have problems. I just like to lay in bed all day doing nothing but sleep and stare at the ceiling. I don't have any friends, just a twin sister and older brother. That's all I need. Okay, enough with the introduction. I'm just going to write about my day and see if this will, as Dr. Valentine puts it, "Help get my emotions out.".

So, Notebook (that's what I'm going to call you), today was pretty weird. After my early morning session with Dr. Valentine, I went to Twilight Town book store and picked you up, a black leather journal. I paid about half of the munny I had in my wallet to get you. Afterwards I went to Oblivion Café and got my usual caramel mocha iced coffee. When I was reading a book my sister got me at one of the tables outside a guy with bright red hair and green eyes asked if he could join me. I just nodded and he sat down in the chair across from me.

He said his name was Axel and pointed to the side of his head and asked, "Got it memorized?". I thought it was amusing. We talked for about an hour before he said he had to go. He wrote down his number and drew a heart on my hand, and then he got up and left. I think I was blushing. I'm pretty sure I was.

When I got home I told my sister, Namine, what happened. She squealed and said that he has the hots for me. I don't think he does. I mean we just met and all. Even if he did, I wouldn't be so willing to go out with him. My last relationship was a nightmare. You see my last boyfriend was a guy named Seifer.

We started out great. He was kind to me and always did sweet things for me. I did the same for him. I was happy. On our five month anniversary he told me he wanted to have sex. I refused and said I wasn't ready. He told me too bad and forced it upon me. When it was over I tried ending things with him, but he wouldn't allow it. He said our relationship was over when he said it was.

Our "relationship" was hell after that. He would beat me, rape me, and call me things like slut, whore, faggot, etc. After a while the friends I had started to notice I was acting different. They figured out what was happening when I came to school with a black eye and a busted lip. They tried to help me, but they only made it worse. I eventually pushed all of my friends away and kept to myself.

When I graduated high school Seifer made me move into a house with him. He would get drunk all the time and he would hit me, and then tell me he was sorry. I never believed him. I was just his toy. He was breaking me down and there was nothing I could do.

When he would pass out on the couch from drinking to much, I would sneak out and go to the library or the park for a while. It was the only time I could do what I want, so I took advantage of it. One day he found me sitting in the grass at the park and yelled at me for leaving. He hit me when I told him I have a life outside of being his toy. I hit back. It was a wrong move. He pulled out a knife and stabbed me in the chest. Fortunately since we were still at the park, someone called the cops when he hit me.

The cops arrested him and I was sent to the hospital. He didn't get bail and was sentenced to twenty years in prison. I had to remain in bed for a two months to fully recover. My sister stayed with me the whole time and my brother, Sora, visited every day. When I was fully healed I moved in with Namine. She said she didn't want me living in a place full of bad memories. I haven't heard from or about Seifer since then. And I'm fine with it.

After Namine had her fangirling moment she told me to call him. I just laughed and went to my room like I always do. I texted Axel, letting him know it was me. We texted each other for a little bit. He told me he had to go to work and that he would text me tomorrow. After Namine practically force fed me I decided to write this. So that leads us to now. I think I'm going to bed now.

-Roxas


	2. Tuesday June 07

Tuesday June 07

Hey, it's Roxas again. I've had one of _those_ days again. I stayed in bed all day and the only time I got up was to use the restroom. Namine came in to check on me every few hours. She said she's really worried about me.

The reason for these days is because of when I had just gotten out of the hospital, I was bedridden. I was still getting over my relationship with Seifer and how he almost killed me. I guess I got used to the feeling of doing nothing but laying around in bed and it became somewhat of a safe spot for me.

Axel tried to get in touch with me. He said he wanted to take me out for coffee. I didn't respond. I'm not sure if I like the idea of having someone new in my life. Don't get me wrong, he's a nice dude and all, I just don't want to get hurt again. The only person I can truly trust is my sister. I know you're probably thinking "What about Dr. Valentine?" Am I right? Well, I'm not completely honest with him most of the time. He wanted to put me on happy pills if my "condition" didn't improve. I know it doesn't sound all that _bad,_ but my family has this addiction gene running in it. We get addicted to alcohol and drugs pretty quick. I call it the family curse.

My mother was addicted to pain meds and anti depressants. It tore her apart and it eventually killed her. Well, she used them to kill herself, just like Dad did. I was seven at the time. That's when Nam and I were sent into foster care. We moved in with two nice people. Cloud Strife and Squall Leonhart. They were really sweet to Nam and I. They always made sure we were happy and comfortable. After a year of living with them, they adopted us.

We all moved into a bigger house so Namine and I could have separate rooms. This house is the house I live in now. After getting settled in, Nam and I started school at Twilight Elementary. That's where I met Hayner, Pence, and Olette. I met Hayner first. He accidentally hit me in the head with a ball and then asked me to play with him and his two friends after apologizing, of course.

I instantly became one of them. We always looked out for each other. It was perfect. I sometimes wish I could go back to those days. They were so simple. The only thing I had to worry about was what time I had to be home.

I met Seifer in the fifth grade. He was new and seemed kind of shy. We welcomed him into our little group with open arms. We were all best friends up until sixth grade, when Seifer met Rai, Fuu, and Vivi. He stopped hanging out with us and started hanging out with them. He started to bully us. I don't know why, but I still viewed him as one of us even though he was so cruel towards us. In the 9th grade, he stopped hanging out with them. He apologized for everything and we allowed him on last chance. He became the Seifer we used to know and love.

In the 10th grade, I realized I was gay. I started to develop feeling for Seifer. I was so scared. I told Olette about my problem and she told me I should come out and tell him how I felt. So I did. He smiled and kissed me. He told me he liked me, too and asked me to be his. Of course I agreed, not knowing what was to come. Everyone was accepting of me. It was wonderful. Leon and Cloud were of course fine with it, being gay themselves. The only person who wasn't completely happy with it was Hayner. He didn't trust  
Seifer.

He said he was just using me for personal gain. I told him he was ridiculous. I was oh so wrong. I wish I would have listened to him. He was the first person I pushed away. He started interrogating me about a bruise I had on my cheek. He said he knew it wasn't Cloud or Leon, and it definitely wasn't Namine. We started yelling and I told him to stay the fuck out of my life and keep his nose in his own business. He did as I asked. I was grateful at the time, but I wish he would have kept pushing a little more.

The same thing eventually happened with Pence and Olette. I avoided them at all costs and they got the hint that I didn't want to see them. Gah, I'm getting emotional. Sorry about the wet marks from my tears. Heh.

Shortly after high school ended, Cloud and Leon went on a date and on their way home they got in an accident. They both died on impact. I've never had much time to grieve. I mean they were my dads, I should've mourned when I heard about their deaths, but I was too caught up in my fucked up relationship.

I wish I would've died when I had that knive shoved into me. I wouldn't have to deal with all of the pain. I just want my life back. I want my dads back. I want my friends. I want my sister to be happy. I want to be happy. I think I'm going to call Axel back after I calm down. Maybe I do need him. I'll give him a chance.

Thank you, Notebook. It's nice to be able to share my secrets.

-Roxas

P.S. Axel just called me beautiful. I probably look like a tomato right now. I'm glad he can't see me. Heh.

~o~

**Hey guys! Thanks for Reading! I really hope you are enjoying this so far. Remember to review! If you do you get a free cookie of your choice ;) 3 **

**L**


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